Episode 56 – Crucial Conversations (with Fr. Simon Lobo)

men talking

Jake and Brett are joined once again by their friend Fr. Simon Lobo, pastor at St. Benedict’s Parish in Halifax. They discuss the concept of crucial conversations. Our relationships develop one conversation at a time and growing in the ability to have crucial conversations is an important part of the masculine journey. 


Guiding Quotes

“Conversations are the key to any relationship” Brett Powell

Key Points

  • Fr Simon Lobo is the pastor of St. Benedict parish in Halifax. 
  • Well handled mistakes can improve relationships
  • A crucial conversation is a conversation where the stakes are high, opinions vary/are unknown, and emotions are running throughout
  • Our relationships develop one conversation at a time
  • Crucial conversations require courage
  • This is not a choice between speaking the truth or maintaining the relationship
  • We were made for greatness and that applies to conversations 
  • Crucial conversations are inherently what good men do
  • It’s not about telling someone your facts, it is filled with genuine curiosity
  • We need to consider our motive before we engage in a crucial conversation
  • It’s important to ask: “What do I want for myself? And what do I want for the other person? And what do I want for the relationship?”
  • Crucial conversations are often repeated and not limited to one conversation
  • It’s important to make the crucial conversations safe for all involved
  • Empathy and inquiry are important in crucial conversations
  • There is key difference between asking a question and making a statement that’s phrased like a question
  • The basic method for a crucial conversation is STATE – Share your facts, Tell your story, Ask for the others’ paths, Talk tentatively, Encourage testing
  • Check your heart and then be honest about your story. Create a safe space. Then lead with your truth/experience or a question. Your experience doesn’t necessarily contain the entire truth
  • Work together to explore reality
  • It’s okay to pause and come back to a crucial conversation
  • Celebrate people who have the courage to initiate a crucial conversation with you
  • Crucial conversations don’t have to be negative; they can be a time of purposeful blessing of another 

Discussion Questions

  • What struck you from this episode?
  • After hearing the episode what is a crucial conversation and why do we need them?
  • Where might you need to have a crucial conversation?
  • What’s holding you back from having a crucial conversation?